Entries tagged with “call” from Trans-cendental

A post on a denomination forum asked "Why do [people in this denomination] become clergy?"

I can't link to the post, because it disappeared within hours of being posted.

I'm hoping it was withdrawn by the person who posted it, rather than censored by the people who run the denomination's website, because the person made some good points which raise difficult questions.

The person linked to an NPR story: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128957149 and said clergy burnout sounded awful and lonely, and that pastoral ministry seemed very difficult. The person went on to mention self-harm, abusive clergy and lay people.

Then this question was posed:

Do people tell seminarians "what's ahead" for this type of job?

That's a good point. No one should go into ministry without knowledge of what will be asked.

No one has told me yet, and I'm halfway through my MDiv program. Yet I have some idea, having seen the ways people can act. The church is made up of humans the same as th rest of society, and one only need read the epistles to see that the early church struggled with human issues as well.

As to why people go to seminary, why they feel called to pastoral ministry - I really believe it can be a God thing. We're not better, or smarter, or more holy than others. I hope we're not looking for power. Instead, I think it's a burden on the hearts of some people. Just as some will look at the homeless and feel moved to help, or look at the injured and feel moved to heal, those of us called to this ministry are moved to serve congregations - because the congregations need to be served.

In the parable, the Samaritan was moved to help the man beaten and left by the side of the road. In some interpretations, his guts were wrenched. When people are that moved to do something, it's a calling.

People are called to all sorts of things. There are people who risk their lives in the military, police, and fire fighting. There are people who work tirelessly for peace. There are people who work hard at building things, or answering phones, or writing.

Why do people go to seminary? Because it's a burden on our hearts that will not go away. It's a love for the people who need us. And - I believe - it is who God dreamed us to be.

I'm in seminary because I have an irresistible, irrefusable call to ministry. Despite the fact that I would not choose myself for such a vocation, I cannot seem to resist the compelling force to walk this path. And, rather than telling me how foolish I am, many people who know me encourage me to persevere, saying they see in me something that tells them I have a true calling. Yet every time I try to follow this path, I hit insurmountable obstacles.

When I finally realize how impossible this is for me, a divorced, transsexual lesbian (now in my forties), with yet somewhat traditional and orthodox theology, I come to my senses and stop.

And then comes the intense feeling of loss. Some time later, perhaps six months or a year, I realize I cannot say no to this call. No matter how difficult, how impossible, how ridiculous it is, it is what I must do.


Now I have hit another immovable object. I have to stop. And yet the call is an unstoppable force.


I know the fault is in me. Either I am failing to understand how God is speaking to me, or I am failing in walking the path God has set before me.

And it makes me very sad.


I do not blame God. I blame myself for the failure - even for the failure to see where I have failed.

I cry out for help. I pray that God will grant me whatever I need to do God's will - whatever that will may be. I pray I will be made into the person God has dreamed me to be.

I pray for wisdom to know which way I should go - not the destination, but for the place to plant my next step.

I pray for the humility to accept whatever task to which I may be set.

I pray for the courage to do whatever I must do.

I pray for the strength to overcome the obstacles which I must overcome.

I pray for the acceptance that there are obstacles I was never meant to overcome.

And I pray that my love would always increase, to always care for the others I would find on my way, and for the grace to forgive those who I feel have harmed me, no matter how I felt I was harmed.


I don't know what to do, but at least I have the humility to admit that.