Recently in Gay and Lesbian Category
My church is Plainfield Congregational United Church of Christ, part of the Eastern Association of the Illinois Conference of the United Church of Christ.
I'm really tired of settling. I'm not interested in incremental rights. I'm not willing to support a candidate who talks out of both sides of his - or her - mouth, speaking on one hand of "protecting marriage" from gays and at the same time "supporting gay and lesbian people" with domestic partnerships or civil unions.
Continue reading Stop settling on same-sex marriage.
John said to him, “Teacher, we saw someone casting out demons in your name, and we tried to stop him, because he was not following us.” But Jesus said, “Do not stop him; for no one who does a deed of power in my name will be able soon afterward to speak evil of me. Whoever is not against us is for us. For truly I tell you, whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because you bear the name of Christ will by no means lose the reward."- Mark 9:38-41
Sometimes we forget to recognize that we're more alike than we are different. Sometimes we let differences in one area keep us from working together in another.
But not Friends Congregational UCC in College Station, Texas. Even though many of the churches that worked with Prison Fellowship were critical of gay and Lesbian persons, this Open and Affirming (OnA) congregation did not let this get in the way of participating in Prison Fellowship's Angel Tree program, which purchased gifts for children of inmates. Though they didn't agree on the sanctity of same-sex relationships, Friends Congregational realized that had nothing to do with helping children at Christmas. They believed in offering hope to kids whose only fault was having a parent who was convicted and imprisoned.
Unfortunately, after several years of participation, Prison Fellowship removed them from the program.
Prison Fellowship specifically refused to allow Friends Congregational UCC to continue to participate in a program to help imprisoned adults offer Christmas gifts to their children because Friends Congregational UCC is Open and Affirming of gay and Lesbian people.
The Rev. Dan De Leon, pastor of Friends Congregational, said the regional office of Prison Fellowship told him that, because the church belongs to the UCC's "Open and Affirming" program, it would not be allowed to participate in the Angel Tree program.
A Senior Vice President of Prison Fellowship said that, out of 12,000 participating churches, only a few congregations have been disqualified, usually due to doctrine on creation or homosexuality.
I doubt the kids - who would not have known which churches were involved, much less the churches' doctrine - would have cared.
"Whoever is not against us is for us. For truly I tell you, whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because you bear the name of Christ will by no means lose the reward."
References:
In Colossians, Paul speaks of marriage: "And you husbands must love your wives and never treat them harshly."
So what of same-sex relationships? There are some who refuse to recognize same-sex relationships, but a failure to acknowledge something has not effect on whether it exists.
There is abuse in some same-sex relationships - both Lesbian and gay. Unfortunately, few domestic abuse shelters are equipped to deal with women abused by women, or men abused by anyone.
In the case of women abused by female partners, shelters rarely have programs to help a woman deal with physical, sexual, verbal, and psychological abuse by a female spouse. The assumption that women are beaten by men often runs high, and a Lesbian may find such a shelter to be a poor fit. The offender programs are generally geared toward men, and often - for the comfort and openness of sharing - do not allow women to attend.
In the case of men abused by male partners, the options are almost universally non-existent. It is rare indeed to find a shelter for abused men - whether the offender was male or female. And an offender program for men who abuse women may be hostile to a gay man.
Fortunately, awareness of this problem is increasing. As reported in the Miami Herald, training for health care professionals has begun. Knowing that domestic abuse can happen in any kind of relationship is the first step toward recognition and intervention - and eventually, recovery.
Am I my brother's (or sister's) keeper? While Cain asked that about the very brother he killed, we can all ask that about any person who is abused. We must recognize our connectedness as God's creations and work to protect each other.
And for persons being abused by a same-sex partner: please seek help. Although help may be scarce, it does exist. Do not give up hope. Tell your physician, police, hospital workers, therapist - tell someone.
We are all created in God's image. Do not allow anyone to be abused.
References: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/gaysouthflorida/2007/10/doctors-shed-li.html
So what of same-sex relationships? There are some who refuse to recognize same-sex relationships, but a failure to acknowledge something has not effect on whether it exists.
There is abuse in some same-sex relationships - both Lesbian and gay. Unfortunately, few domestic abuse shelters are equipped to deal with women abused by women, or men abused by anyone.
In the case of women abused by female partners, shelters rarely have programs to help a woman deal with physical, sexual, verbal, and psychological abuse by a female spouse. The assumption that women are beaten by men often runs high, and a Lesbian may find such a shelter to be a poor fit. The offender programs are generally geared toward men, and often - for the comfort and openness of sharing - do not allow women to attend.
In the case of men abused by male partners, the options are almost universally non-existent. It is rare indeed to find a shelter for abused men - whether the offender was male or female. And an offender program for men who abuse women may be hostile to a gay man.
Fortunately, awareness of this problem is increasing. As reported in the Miami Herald, training for health care professionals has begun. Knowing that domestic abuse can happen in any kind of relationship is the first step toward recognition and intervention - and eventually, recovery.
Am I my brother's (or sister's) keeper? While Cain asked that about the very brother he killed, we can all ask that about any person who is abused. We must recognize our connectedness as God's creations and work to protect each other.
And for persons being abused by a same-sex partner: please seek help. Although help may be scarce, it does exist. Do not give up hope. Tell your physician, police, hospital workers, therapist - tell someone.
We are all created in God's image. Do not allow anyone to be abused.
References: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/gaysouthflorida/2007/10/doctors-shed-li.html
Today is the day.
The challenge is before us is to more honestly share who we truly are: with ourselves, with our families, with our friends, with the world.
If we are out to ourselves, we have only just begun. We may love ourselves enough to acknowledge who we are, but we must also love our neighbors as ourselves. That means being honest about our stories, our lives, our identities.
Coming out is a continuous process. Although we mark today as a time to come out, we must always be willing to share the truth about ourselves with others. Rather than inventing lies about a mundane life, we can tell the truth about our passions, our strengths, and our weaknesses.
Coming out is not easy. It brings anxiety, and at times it is risky. Yet believers are not called to quiet safety, and prophets are not called to silence. We - gay, Lesbian, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer, questioning, supportive, and leather; conservative and progressive; Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Taoist, Hindu, Pagan and Wiccan; grandparents, parents, children, and grandchildren; we must share what we have been given.
Do not withhold the beauty that is you. Celebrate the unique creation you are.
National Coming Out Day is October 11.
The challenge is before us is to more honestly share who we truly are: with ourselves, with our families, with our friends, with the world.
Yeshua says: Whoever knows everything but himself, lacks everything.It is important that we know and accept who we are. Self-denial is an affront to the one who created us, and to ourselves. If we love our creator, we will not deny that creation. If we love that creation - ourselves - we will also not deny it.
- Gospel of Thomas, 67
If we are out to ourselves, we have only just begun. We may love ourselves enough to acknowledge who we are, but we must also love our neighbors as ourselves. That means being honest about our stories, our lives, our identities.
Coming out is a continuous process. Although we mark today as a time to come out, we must always be willing to share the truth about ourselves with others. Rather than inventing lies about a mundane life, we can tell the truth about our passions, our strengths, and our weaknesses.
Coming out is not easy. It brings anxiety, and at times it is risky. Yet believers are not called to quiet safety, and prophets are not called to silence. We - gay, Lesbian, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer, questioning, supportive, and leather; conservative and progressive; Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Taoist, Hindu, Pagan and Wiccan; grandparents, parents, children, and grandchildren; we must share what we have been given.
Do not withhold the beauty that is you. Celebrate the unique creation you are.
National Coming Out Day is October 11.
Sure, there are some great reasons to come out - about anything.
But before we decide to tell the world your secret, it's important to consider a few things:
1. Will this affect others?
Consider these things in anticipation of National Coming Out Day. Try to not overreach. Instead, try to gradually broaden your boundaries.
But before we decide to tell the world your secret, it's important to consider a few things:
1. Will this affect others?
Although we may be ready to come out, our friends and family may not. It is important to come out first to those close to us, before springing the news on the world. Our loved ones deserve to hear it first hand.2. Is this dangerous?
Our loved ones also deserve to be a part of the discussion on coming out. Although the decisions are still ours, our friends and family need to be able to talk with us about it.
There are times when coming out can adversely affect our lives. We have to consider the risks, and whether we're willing to take them.3. Am I ready?
We must ask ourselves about the people to whom we're coming out. Will they be a physical threat to us? Will our homes and livelihoods be threatened? If so, how will they be threatened? And how will we deal with these threats?
As exhilarating as the feeling must be, we must "count the cost" of living openly.
Coming out - about any aspect of our lives - is rarely done all at once. We must admit to ourselves who we are. Then we may come out to some close, trusted friends or relatives, or perhaps a professional counselor. Coming out is not a one-time event - it is an ongoing process of self-discovery and sharing.
Consider these things in anticipation of National Coming Out Day. Try to not overreach. Instead, try to gradually broaden your boundaries.
Yesterday, I showed what trouble we can avoid by coming out.
Today I'd like to examine some of the benefits.
Being honest - or at least not hiding - aspects of our lives can reduce stress. Stress can lead to heart disease, insomnia, weight gain, and many other medical issues, so this is not a trivial benefit.
For those of us who are single, coming out offers more opportunities to meet those with whom we might want to partner. Greater choice means we may find better matches and happier home lives.
Note that the above can apply to closet Barbie collectors, closet Buddhists, or any other group of people.
Add a study shows that, statistically, gay and lesbian people who come out have stronger careers.
Being honest about who we are and what we do can keep us from living double lives that take an incredible amount of energy to maintain.
National Coming Out Day is October 11.
References:
Today I'd like to examine some of the benefits.
Being honest - or at least not hiding - aspects of our lives can reduce stress. Stress can lead to heart disease, insomnia, weight gain, and many other medical issues, so this is not a trivial benefit.
For those of us who are single, coming out offers more opportunities to meet those with whom we might want to partner. Greater choice means we may find better matches and happier home lives.
Note that the above can apply to closet Barbie collectors, closet Buddhists, or any other group of people.
Add a study shows that, statistically, gay and lesbian people who come out have stronger careers.
Being honest about who we are and what we do can keep us from living double lives that take an incredible amount of energy to maintain.
National Coming Out Day is October 11.
References:
I gave you all a break on Sunday, but it's time to resume preparation for National Coming Out Day.
OK, so I'm gay. Or Republican. Or transgender. Or I like to gossip. Why not stay in the closet?
There are certainly advantages to being in the closet. There aren't a lot of questions to answer. You don't have to worry about people criticizing you.
All you have to worry about is being found out.
Brian Wingfield has an interesting article on sex scandals - and the publicity that surrounds them - in Forbes. But it's not just notoriety one risks.
Repressing an important aspect of one's life can lead people to behave in erratic ways, such as text messaging young people, seeking sexual partners in parks and public bathrooms, and patronizing prostitutes. And if this sort of behavior comes to light, the fallout can be enormous. Representative Mark Foley resigned from Congress in disgrace. Ted Haggard lost his ministry.
In addition to the personal losses these men incurred, their families, friends, and constituents or parishioners also suffered by being put at risk and by feeling betrayed by trusted leaders.
How great can the toll be?
Michael Crawford reports that a 55 year old man killed himself rather than face the consequences of being caught in a park sex sting.
The toll can be quite high, but even the less controversial parts of our lives can wreak havoc.
We might just keep quiet about where we stand politically, so as to not lose standing with friends. Yet how does it feel to listen to people say things with which you disagree, talking to you as if you were with them on the issues? We don't have to get in big arguments, but we're often afraid to just say "well, I feel differently".
In the third chapter of the Gospel of John we read
Had these men, who so loathed homosexuality, merely admitted they struggled with it, their lives would have been much healthier.
When we are ashamed, we should admit what we do and who we are and get help.
When we are not ashamed, we should celebrate what we do and who we are.
If instead we hide what we do and who we are, we deny ourselves, harming ourselves and those around us.
National Coming Out Day is October 11.
References:
OK, so I'm gay. Or Republican. Or transgender. Or I like to gossip. Why not stay in the closet?
There are certainly advantages to being in the closet. There aren't a lot of questions to answer. You don't have to worry about people criticizing you.
All you have to worry about is being found out.
Brian Wingfield has an interesting article on sex scandals - and the publicity that surrounds them - in Forbes. But it's not just notoriety one risks.
Repressing an important aspect of one's life can lead people to behave in erratic ways, such as text messaging young people, seeking sexual partners in parks and public bathrooms, and patronizing prostitutes. And if this sort of behavior comes to light, the fallout can be enormous. Representative Mark Foley resigned from Congress in disgrace. Ted Haggard lost his ministry.
In addition to the personal losses these men incurred, their families, friends, and constituents or parishioners also suffered by being put at risk and by feeling betrayed by trusted leaders.
How great can the toll be?
Michael Crawford reports that a 55 year old man killed himself rather than face the consequences of being caught in a park sex sting.
The toll can be quite high, but even the less controversial parts of our lives can wreak havoc.
We might just keep quiet about where we stand politically, so as to not lose standing with friends. Yet how does it feel to listen to people say things with which you disagree, talking to you as if you were with them on the issues? We don't have to get in big arguments, but we're often afraid to just say "well, I feel differently".
In the third chapter of the Gospel of John we read
19This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. 21But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.Whether or not we are ashamed of the things we do, we should bring them to the light. We cannot at the same time condemn something and secretly do the same thing.
Had these men, who so loathed homosexuality, merely admitted they struggled with it, their lives would have been much healthier.
When we are ashamed, we should admit what we do and who we are and get help.
When we are not ashamed, we should celebrate what we do and who we are.
If instead we hide what we do and who we are, we deny ourselves, harming ourselves and those around us.
National Coming Out Day is October 11.
References:
We all have things about us which we'd like to change. But it's critical that we own these things about ourselves as well. Whether they can be changed or not, we need to accept that these are things about ourselves.
I deal with low self-esteem and anxiety. I can choose to deny this, but it won't help me.
What happens when we live in denial? At the very least, we fail to deal with the very issues that trouble us. At the worst, we're caught in hypocrisy.
People have laughed at Rep. Mark Foley (R-Fla.), Reverend Ted Haggard, Florida State Rep. Bob Allen , Louisiana St. Bernard Parish Councilman Joey DiFatta, and others. Yet a compassionate heart recognizes these people have lived in fear and denial, unable to find a healthy way to deal with an important part of their lives. The better choice is to pray for these men, that they will come to come out to themselves - to recognize their same-sex attraction. Recognizing an issue is the first step to dealing with it.
So what are you hiding? What's your secret?
You don't have to tell me.
You don't have to tell anyone.
Except yourself.
I deal with low self-esteem and anxiety. I can choose to deny this, but it won't help me.
What happens when we live in denial? At the very least, we fail to deal with the very issues that trouble us. At the worst, we're caught in hypocrisy.
People have laughed at Rep. Mark Foley (R-Fla.), Reverend Ted Haggard, Florida State Rep. Bob Allen , Louisiana St. Bernard Parish Councilman Joey DiFatta, and others. Yet a compassionate heart recognizes these people have lived in fear and denial, unable to find a healthy way to deal with an important part of their lives. The better choice is to pray for these men, that they will come to come out to themselves - to recognize their same-sex attraction. Recognizing an issue is the first step to dealing with it.
So what are you hiding? What's your secret?
You don't have to tell me.
You don't have to tell anyone.
Except yourself.
Coming out part I: Coming Out to Yourself.
Who are you?
Really?
Think about all the dimensions of who you are. Consider using adjectives instead of nouns. Adjectives describe aspects of yourself; nouns label and categorize.
Explore the things you enjoy, the things that are important to you, the things that hold special meaning.
Coming out is not just about sexual or gender identity.
Maybe everyone knows you're gay, but no one knows you're a Republican.
Or a Christian.
Or a stamp collector.
Take this opportunity to get to know yourself.
Jesus taught his followers to love each other as they loved themselves. It's time to raise that bar - to love ourselves and others more.
National Coming Out Day is October 11.
Who are you?
Really?
Think about all the dimensions of who you are. Consider using adjectives instead of nouns. Adjectives describe aspects of yourself; nouns label and categorize.
Explore the things you enjoy, the things that are important to you, the things that hold special meaning.
Coming out is not just about sexual or gender identity.
Maybe everyone knows you're gay, but no one knows you're a Republican.
Or a Christian.
Or a stamp collector.
Take this opportunity to get to know yourself.
Jesus taught his followers to love each other as they loved themselves. It's time to raise that bar - to love ourselves and others more.
National Coming Out Day is October 11.
