Recently in same-sex marriage Category

I originally posted this on Pam's House Blend

So we now have several states where we can get married.

It's time we start thinking about how to have good, healthy same-sex marriages.

I am no expert, but my partner and I (we've had a Holy Union and are hoping to take an out-of-state nuptial trip next year) have been together for over two decades. I'm going to share what we've learned, and hope some others will share as well.

Progressive churches need to build up support for all families, not just the most common constructions.

(More after the page break. If you're reading this on a mirrored site like community.ucc.org or facebook.com, click the title to see the rest)

I'm rarely this eloquent, but every once in a while I accidentally say something I feel is worth repeating. The following is from a post I made on a United Church of Christ discussion board:

Marriage isn't a piece of paper issued by the government. That paper is legal recognition of a marriage.

Marriage isn't a piece of paper signed by a pastor and/or issued by a church. That paper is a religious recognition of a marriage.

Marriage is a covenant between two adult people to care for, nurture, and love each other. Alone, this is still marriage. Without this, no piece of paper can hold two people together.

True, marriage is a legal term in the United States of America, and clergy cannot legally say they are marrying two people unless the state authorizes it. But Adam and Eve, and Cain and his wife, and Seth and his wife, were all married without church or state.

Neither the church, nor state, can prohibit marriage between two people. All they can do is fail to recognize when it happens.

I'm really tired of settling. I'm not interested in incremental rights. I'm not willing to support a candidate who talks out of both sides of his - or her - mouth, speaking on one hand of "protecting marriage" from gays and at the same time "supporting gay and lesbian people" with domestic partnerships or civil unions.

     A talking point I often see is that same-sex marriage will devalue marriage.


     But will it?

     In the Western world, marriage is rarely traded on the open market. Few of us are likely to sell our children into marriage for cash, a house, or livestock.

     Marriage is valued by the people in it. Lately, some highly-visible celebrities have had month-long, week-long, or even day-long marriages. These do not strike me as highly valued marriages.

     Likewise, we have seen some people - even "family values" folks - outed as having affairs and/or patronizing prostitutes. It would seem that they do not value marriage that highly.

     When gay and lesbian people are willing to fight for the right to marry, it shows they consider marriage to have a high value. They are willing to invest heavily in marriage.

     To the Christians reading this, I would like to ask:

     When Paul ministered to gentiles, and when Peter was told to meet with Cornelius, did that devalue the relationship the existing, Jewish Christians had with Christ?

     In Matthew 20, Jesus tells a parable about workers and wages:

For the kingdom of heaven is like a householder who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard.

After agreeing with the laborers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard.

And going out about the third hour he saw others standing idle in the market place; and to them he said, `You go into the vineyard too, and whatever is right I will give you.' So they went.

Going out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour, he did the same.

And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing; and he said to them, `Why do you stand here idle all day?' They said to him, `Because no one has hired us.' He said to them, `You go into the vineyard too.'

And when evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his steward, `Call the laborers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last, up to the first.'

And when those hired about the eleventh hour came, each of them received a denarius.

Now when the first came, they thought they would receive more; but each of them also received a denarius. And on receiving it they grumbled at the householder, saying, `These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.'

But he replied to one of them, `Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what belongs to you, and go; I choose to give to this last as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?

     Now, of course Jesus is talking about those who have long been faithful, and those faithful for a short time, and that they receive the same reward. But the lesson I am drawing here is: those who worked a short time and received a denarius did not devalue the denarius. Those who worked the full day still retained the same value for which they had bargained.

     Same sex marriage cannot devalue a couple's marriage. Only those in the marriage can devalue it.

     Cherish the bond you have with your spouse. Keep it healthy, holy, and happy. If you do these things, no one else's marriage can cheapen yours.